Security Camera Footage of Minneapolis Bridge Collapse

Breaking News: Dr. Matt, Anna Nicole, and Our Baby

Well, I figured it was about time to come clean and finally reveal that I am the father of Dannielynn, the child that Anna Nicole (I actually called her "monkey"; it's a pet name) birthed Sept. 7, 2006. All the news outlets and tabloids keep speculating about who actually is the father. Well, they all have it wrong. I won't reveal the details, yet, of how Monkey and I met (and the ensuing romantic endeavors). I'm waiting to give my exclusive to either 60 Minutes, People, the Outdoor Channel, or Mad Magazine.

Breaking News: Anna Nicole Smith Has Died

Anna Nicole Smith was found unresponsive after collapsing at the Hard Rock Cafe and Casino in Hollywood, FL. Smith passed away at approximately 3pm, and the cause has yet to be determined.

Astronaut Love Triangle

Who ever would have thought I'd get to say those words? Seems like this is the biggest story in the 24-hour news cycle today:

"A judge granted bail Tuesday to a NASA astronaut charged with pepper-spraying a romantic rival before attempting to kidnap her from a parking lot at the Orlando airport.

But the judge warned that Navy Capt. Lisa Marie Nowak is to have no contact with NASA engineer Colleen Shipman and must wear a GPS, or global positioning satellite device, to ensure she does not travel east of Orange County, where Shipman lives.

The charges against Nowak stem from an alleged love triangle in which Nowak and Shipman were competing for the affections of astronaut Bill Oefelein, police said."

It's news like this that does absolutely nothing beneficial for the feminist movement. Women have worked excruciatingly hard to be able to break barriers and enter into fields such as this. After this stunt, we'll hear conservatives whining about allowing women to become astronauts (or any other high paying, important job) because they'll fall in love with their co-workers and pull crap like this.

So, let me be the first to thank Lisa Nowak for single-handedly setting the feminist movement back about 20 years.

Final Harry Potter to be Released July 21st

For all of those out there that are as huge fans of the Harry Potter series as I am, author JK Rowling announced today the final installment of the series (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows) will be released on July 21st, 2007!

Get on that waiting list today!

Meatwad, Master Shake and Frylock Shut Down Boston

All of the major MSM outlets have been covering the story of suspicious packages found throughout Boston today. According to reports, "...a number of 'suspicious' packages were found. The first device found on a highway forced authorities to shut off traffic, and detonate the package which witnesses on various news reports said contained loose wires.

At least four more suspicious packages were found in the Boston metropolitan area, and the Charles River was shut down by the Coast Guard as authorities took precautions."

Turns out the packages contained "a device which resembled a toy Light Bright set, with colored light bulbs patterned to show an outer space character from the Adult Swim cartoon Aqua Teen Hunger Force called a 'Mooninite.'"



Apparently Master Shake has struck again!



"Hey Carl, it's cool man, I'm a detective. Clear the crime scene and let me think ... meteors did it! That'll be $20."

Breaking News: Bush Reads Constitution

In an amazing twist, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez has issued a new letter in which he states that the NSA Wiretapping/domestic surveillance program is now subject to FISA courts.

The full text of the letter can be viewed below (via TPM).



According to right-wingers, FISA was absolutely unnecessary and the President had the power to do as he wishes, without the approval of FISA (even when a warrant could be received retroactively up to 72 hours of wiretap initiation).

In late 2005, Weekly Standard Editor Bill Kristol, and AEI "scholar" Gary Schmidt penned an Op-ed for The Washington Post (which of course left out much vital information about FISA) which contained this gem:

"This is presumably one reason why President Bush decided that national security required that he not simply follow the strictures of the 1978 foreign intelligence act, and, indeed, it reveals why the issue of executive power and the law in our constitutional order is more complicated than the current debate would suggest. It is not easy to answer the question whether the president, acting in this gray area, is "breaking the law." It is not easy because the Founders intended the executive to have -- believed the executive needed to have -- some powers in the national security area that were extralegal but constitutional."

Kristol and Schmidt argued that the President can, in some instances, break the law if he deems it necessary. These "rule of law" Republicans (neocons in sheeps clothing) threw their ideology out the window and sold their souls to support actions by the president merely because he is of the same party, and wished to support the neoconservative agenda. All of this for actions that could easily have been avoided, since FISA allows for wiretapping to begin, with the stipulation a warrant is received within 72 hours. Not to mention only 6 requests from the Bush Administration to the FISA court for a warrant were ever denied.

Now just over a year later, the President is admitting (or is possibly frightened of Congressional subpoenas)that FISA is the rule of law in the United States, and will finally follow its provisions. Integrity, credibility and the Constitution were thrown out the window over the slighest of challenges: 6 denials and slightly over 150 modifications to warrants by the FISA courts. Another example of Bush's delusion that he is King, and can do as he wishes.

Or maybe someone finally read the Constitution to him.

Update: This sudden change of heart, it seems, comes only a day before Gonzolez is set to testify before Congress on the issue. After 6 years of GOP rule, unchecked powers, and the ability to do as he wishes, President Bush reversed his course just one day before his "course" was set to be questioned. Under oath.

Obama to Announce Candidacy Today?

Raw Story currently has a "developing" story, reporting that Senator Barack Obama is expected to announce his candidacy for President today.

Updates provided when more information is available.



Update I: Obama has scheduled an 11 am CST conference call with supporters, where he is expected to make his official announcement.

Update II: Senator Obama has announced on his website that he will be launching an Exploratory Committee today. A final decision on his candidacy will not be made until Feb. 10th.

Breaking News: Blast rips through U.S. embassy compound in Athens

From Yahoo!

An explosion ripped through the U.S. embassy compound in central Athens on Friday, police said.

It was not clear what caused the blast and there was no immediate word on whether there were any casualties.

"We are investigating the cause of the explosion. We are not ruling anything out," a senior police official told Reuters.

Dozens of police cars surrounded the embassy and police cordoned off all roads in the area, including a major boulevard in front of the mission. The senior police official did not say whether the explosion was set off inside the compound or whether something might have been thrown into the embassy grounds.

Police officials at the scene said that whatever caused the explosion damaged the official embassy sign outside the mission, but there was little other indication of the extent of damage inside.

The tightly guarded building is surrounded by a 3-meter (9-feet)-high steel fence. Guards are posted at every entrance and at street corners around it.

Embassy officials could not immediately be reached for comment. Local residents called in to state television saying they had felt the explosion, which shattered some windows.

Best. News. Ever.

Melissa Lafsky over at Huffington Post is reporting that The Daily Show's Jon Stewart (*sigh*) is in talks with The Washington Post to join their website as a correspondent during the 2008 election season.

Seriously. Stewart will bring honesty, integrity, truth and entertainment to The Washington Post, which it is sorely lacking.

House of Representatives Passes Comprehensive Security Bill Implementing 9/11 Commission Recommendations

The House of Representatives has just passed a comprehensive national security bill implementing 9/11 Commission recommendations, by a vote of 299-128.

"Patterned on recommendations of the commission that investigated the Sept. 11 attacks, the far-reaching measure includes commitments for inspection of all cargo carried aboard passenger aircraft and on ships bound for the United States."

68 Republicans crossed party lines and voted with Democrats to pass the bill, with 8 Representatives not voting. You can see how your Representative voted here.

Ted Kennedy (D-Mass) Introduces Bill Requiring Congressional Approval for President's Troop 'Surge'

From ABC News:

U.S. Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass., laid down the gauntlet today, making the first formal effort to block President Bush's expected plan for a surge of American troops in Iraq with a bill that would block funding for the additional soldiers and offering clear comparisons to Vietnam.

Kennedy called Iraq a "quagmire" and drew repeated comparisons to Vietnam, a tactic that Democrats are likely to repeat in the coming months.

This is a brilliant maneuver coming 24 hours before Bush attempts to sell his latest Iraq "plan" to the American people. Democrats need to stay on the offensive and continue to out flank Bush and the GOP minority.

Updated (4:45 PM ET ) H/T to C&L for video:

Breaking News: U.S. Air strikes in Somalia

MSNBC TV is reporting USAF AC-130 Air strikes against suspected Al-Qaeda operations in Somalia. A naval carrier group is heading to the region for support.

Updates as they come...

Updated (11:03 pm ET):
From the AP

The U.S. military launched a strike against several suspected members of al-Qaida in Somalia, a government official said Monday night.

The official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because of the operation's sensitivity, said at least one AC-130 gunship was used in the attack.

CNN, NBC and CBS first reported the military action. Citing Pentagon officials, CBS said the targets included the senior al-Qaida leader in East Africa and an al-Qaida operative wanted for his involvement in the 1998 bombings of the American embassies in Kenya and Tanzania.

U.S. Navy vessels have been deployed off the coast of Somalia to make sure al-Qaida or allied jihadists don't escape the country, the State Department said last Wednesday.

A weird day: A series of coincidences?

To recap, we had the NYC odor, dead birds shut down Austin, explosives detected in the Port of Miami, and now a large plume of white smoke billowing from a tanker-truck in Sugar Land, Texas. hmmmmmmm.

Developing....[my ode to Drudge]

Update (6:15 pm ET):
*Port of Miami bomb scare was false alarm

*Warnings in Sugar Land, Texas lifted after plant incident

*Streets in Texas' Austin reopen after dead bird scare

*NYC Odor Not Dangerous

Cargo Tests Positive for Explosives in Port of Miami

CNN is currently reporting that cargo in the Port of Miami has tested positive for C-4 Plastique. This comes just one day after 3 suspicious individuals were detained shortly at the very same port:

"Officials initially said that the three men were caught trying to slip past a security checkpoint in a cargo truck on Sunday and that the driver had said he was alone. Federal investigators and a bomb squad were called in, and authorities eventually determined the freight was harmless.

Even though Miami-Dade Police said the problem was a miscommunication, driver Amar Al Hadad, 28, was still charged with resisting an officer without violence, and his passengers, Hussain Al Hadad, 24, and Hassan El Sayed, 20, were charged with trespassing."

Most charges were subsequentlly dropped against the three.

One of the 9/11 Commission's largest suggestions was to increase funding for port security, which the GOP has consistently refused to do.

Thank god for the Democratically-controlled Congress:

"We'll go them one better on port security, where we have even tougher proposals to screen 100 percent of the containers long before they reach U.S. shores" - Nancy Pelosi, 12/2006.

Just one more check in the "Democrats were right" column.

Downtown Austin closed after dead birds found

So, we have the gas odor news in New York and now this bizarre event in Austin where 10 blocks in downtown Austin were shut down today after officials found dozens of dead birds in the area.

Could Pat Robertson actually be correct with his wing-nut extraordinaire prediction of Armageddon for 2007?

/sarcasm

Developing Story: Gas Odor Spreading Throughout Manhattan

CNN and New York news outlets are reporting a strong natural gas smell throughout Manhattan and northern New Jersey. At this time, the source of the smell has yet to be found:

"Con Edison, the Fire Department and multiple city agencies are investigating the source of a natural gas odor throughout Manhattan this morning.

Hundreds of reports of the smell began flooding the 911 system around 9 a.m. in parts of Manhattan and New Jersey."

Some buildings throughout the city have being evacuated, and "PATH train service has been suspended between Hoboken and 33rd Street and service between Journal Square and 33rd Street."

Updates to come.